Golden age of Dizmal: July 2011

Imagine your loved ones are being held behind a wall and the kidnapper would never under any circumstances talk to you or negotiate at all.

I have been enjoying the rewards of all the hard work i put into clowning. I have a partner who is friendly, easy to get ahold of and very talented so we do OK. I still have the day job for a property management company just to keep it secure.

Things are great but no matter how good they get I can't enjoy any of it since the mother of my kids stopped sharing them with me May 20th or so of last year.. This is the second summer without them. NO Fathers day, no birthdays, no contact...like I'm a murderer. The more folks who actually know me think this is nothing but bitter madness. I'm inclined to agree.

There is no good reason for this. I have never had a problem. She just seems to have put together a composite of every man she ever hated and put it all on me. I wiped her butt, I loved her every day, I helped her as much as I could when we were together and after. This lady has been nothing but awful to me and it's not cool.

My Mother in Texas was very concerned about why her kids were not allowed to see Dad. What kind of monster do they think I am that I can't be allowed contact with my kids?
Grandma called and called but the Ex wouldn't return any calls or emails.
At one point a lady answered her phone and said it wasn't her number anymore. Can you imagine how crazy-making that is?
What an awful way to treat Grandma when all she does is love the kids. So cold blooded.
Finally my mom scraped up the cash to get a plane ticket to Oregon...

Only then did the Ex respond to my Mom "Sorry we will be out of town the week you are in Portland".
No working with them or any kind of civility.
Just a "Piss off" to Grandma and all of our civil rights.
I wasn't surprised she did't wanna face granny, the ex kept the kids Christmas money without mentioning it to them. There is no good reason to keep me from my kids so how in the hell would she be able to face grandmother's questions?

I'm devastated that my mom paid so much money to see the kids and got flim flammed the same way I was. My kids got robbed of so many cool people. If I had known she would go off the deep end I would have concealed my happiness better.

Since this madness my kids have missed out on. Dad's Love, Olive;'s Love, Learning the trade of balloonist, Seeing us paint huge pieces, school clothing, school trips, Our accomplishments, Their accomplishments, Dads protection, Olives kindness, the huge community of friends and family they were taken from, the happiness and joy that I try and keep all around me. I don't drink, I don't hang out with people with inconsistent personalities, I don't get evicted, I never had to take them to the emergency room and I'm making a livin as a frikkin kids entertainer!!!!

For a lady who is saying she is not letting them see Daddy for their protection she sure has denied them a lot of important stuff. It's a tragedy that they are living in a "Your Dad is a Monster school" when they know I'm the guy that put them to bed bt hand every night, loved them and nurtured them %100. They are now dragging around all this emotional baggage why? Because Mom is bitter? She never told me why she got so mean after she left me in 07.

I was looking forward to growing old with her. I was cool with being her friend but she was just so angry and cross all the time. One of the things that made her the most frustrated was when there was nothing to be frustrated about. She seems to have a problem with mine and Olive's age difference but in this sand box it's Olive who is acting like the woman.

The kids don't have that bitter filter so they just know they have a strong, friendly, healthy Dad who loves them so much. My friends are pouring on the support and sympathy. I am touched that my people support me, pray with me and even cry with me.

This is all Olive's fault. Before Olive, I even lived with my ex and everything was cool.

As soon as Olive and I started succeeding and being happy, Madam Bitter went into a tailspin. This is so messed up for my kids because all they know from Dad and Olive is that we are kind, loving, we know their diets and buy them school clothes. Olive bathes them and reads to them and Dad protects them like a pit bull and goes to the teacher meetings. What must they be thinking?

Without the bitter filter I'm just another Dad.

My Mom will have been at my house and seen how Portland treats me and will quickly determine that there is no reason to keep me from my kids.

Please pray for us...this is the harshest punishment I have ever been dealt.

I can't afford the law.Legal aid was a huge time consuming web of false hopes.After spending lots of time and money all I found was dead ends. It should be enough that I spent 10 years being a Dad and husband, I changed thousands of diapers, cooked meals, bathed them and put them to sleep in my arms every night, I even fought gangsters and drunks to protect them.I loved my lady and never beat her or cheated on her and even put up with her always having to have a problem with everyone. I payed child support for 9 months after she stopped sharing the kids. This clown has never been in trouble with the law and never had to take the kids to the emergency room, never been evicted (the ex can't say any of that) I'm so concerned that my kids have to live in perpetual negativity.I once asked if my little girl could go with us to learn balloonistry and mom said "No she is too dumb for that" right in front of her. The ex stopped communicating with me months before the swindle and hasn't returned any calls or emails...just nastygrams and anonymous hate mail. For a lady who says she is keeping them from me for their protection she sure has hurt a lot of people including them.

The lady keeps saying I have Post Traumatic stress disorder but the only stress I have is from missing my kids and wondering if they are ok or foisted off to some craigslist strainger.

I took care of my babies for so long and worked so hard for them that this is the most evil revenge I have ever seen.

I didn't expect my so called friends from the Clown House to help me at all but I did think that my kids had better friends.

In 2007 I lost my wife, job, kids, dog, house, friends all in one day and was left alone with side splitting gall stones.
They all moved away and didn't tell me where they went. It took a few weeks to realize that without the negative and selfish influences of my ex and friends I could actually grow and thrive.

I sure would love to enjoy this life I love so much without forever seeing my ex in my head putting the screws to me, my kids, Olive and now my Mom. Sometimes the clowns smile is painted on...this is one of those times.

I keep having this vision every time i close my eyes of my son drifting aimlessly in a boat. He is looking at the floorboards and wondering what happened to his Dad.

Summer is the hardest time of the year to make a livin in my Open Mic game. In the 4 years I have done it pro I learned to depend on crappy, wet miserable weather to pack the house on open mic days. Open Mic is a beautiful thing.

I get my dough in percentage from the till at the end of the night so if the place is empty or nobody buys anything then I go hungry!
Luckily I have lots of events, appearances and the old day job to keep me afloat in the summer slump. Also the kids gigs we do are booming all the time but I still gotta do the open mic in the off season for the culture aspect and to keep it alive.
I'm so grateful to the folks who came in tonight and had a swell time making music and laughs together.
MWAHMWAHMWAH